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Mediation Training,
Saturdays, March 23 and April 6, 2013
On
Saturday, March 23, and again on Saturday, April 6, from 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m.,
Swarthmore Friends Meeting will host a training in mediation skills open to the
public. The two sessions will cover the same material; you need only attend
one. Led by a trainer from the Center for Resolutions, a
Quaker-founded mediation center in Media, the trainings will cover strategies
for handling conflict, communication skills, using neutral language, asking
effective questions, brainstorming for solutions, and framing negotiable issues
that lead to joint problem solving. It will be held in the Meetinghouse at
12 Whittier Place
on the
Swarthmore
College
campus. A simple lunch will be provided. There is a limit of 20
people for each session, so register early!
We expect
these trainings to help participants become better able to reach out to the good
in the other and to have a heightened ability to handle differences. These
skills are invaluable in faith communities as well as in all of our lives at
work, in our families, and with those with whom we may experience conflict.
Come, and invite your friends to sign up!
A
voluntary contribution of $30 is requested to help cover the cost of the
training. (Those for whom the cost is too much of a burden may pay what
they can afford. Those who are able to pay more will make it possible for
others to attend.) We request that those who wish to take part register
with Mary Titus at the Meeting Office by March 16, and let her know which date
you prefer by emailing [email protected]
or calling 610-328-8699. To hold your place, please send a check when you
register made out to Swarthmore Monthly Meeting,
12 Whittier Place
,
Swarthmore
,
PA
19081
Swarthmore
Monthly Meeting Religious Education Forums on Conflict Resolution
The Meeting has had two discussion
forums of Conflict Resolution recently: A.
September 30, 2012, and B. December 2, 2012. Notes from the Forums
are below.
A. Handling Conflict within Our Meeting, Forum
Notes, Sept. 30, 2012
What are
some of the reactions we experience when we avoid conflict?
-
Complex feelings,
including blame, self criticism, embarrassment, judgment, lumping together
lots of negative past experiences.
-
Wanting to respond, but
not knowing whether to, or how to.
-
Complicity in
under-functioning: “They’re not doing much, so why should I?”
-
Confusion between
whether to bring an issue forward, and when to let it go.
-
Perception of a powerful
clique within the Meeting; “I couldn’t possibly be heard”.
-
Not being able to
express that perhaps our values and culture differ from those of the
dominant group.
-
Confusion regarding the
lack of clarity between gossiping and checking our perceptions.
-
What are some of the
cultural patterns within the Meeting that might mitigate against the
productive expression and resolution of conflict?
-
Not expressing
expectations clearly.
-
Not providing skill
building opportunities
-
Assuming our values are
universal
-
Fear of both “silence
is violence” and that plain speech may not be kind.
B.
Conflict Resolution, Second Session, Notes from December 2, 2012 Forum
We held the second
of our sessions on Conflict Resolution on 12/2/2012 and there was a rich
discussion of what we do well and what we could do better in this area.
The Swarthmore Monthly Meeting community is willing to
work with conflict and wants to support people having conflict within the
meeting. The meeting has a culture that values diversity and respect for
one another. When people are in conflict, they are vulnerable, and the
meeting seeks to affirm all parties involved as a resolution is sought. We
often don’t know what to do for others and we want to increase our skill set
so that we can accompany people to resolution effectively as well as
compassionately. In order to strengthen our ability to manifest our values
and goals, we have some ideas we might develop that fall into the categories of
1) building the community that serves as the foundational container that holds
those in conflict and 2) building specific skill sets in the area of Conflict
Resolution.
Strengthening the Community
We acknowledged many strengths in the area of building
social connections: potlucks, Friendly Gatherings, socializing and having
fun together. To further strengthen our community we might want to develop
interest groups so that people can share with one another the things that matter
most to them, for example the Arts and Spirituality sessions. We may want
to do more of that in other realms of interest. Organized worship sharing
when situations are difficult may help. More use of clearness and support
committees might also serve us well. Addressing the disagreements that
people might have is important; developing a process whereby we can express our
disagreements in constructive and respectful ways may be helpful. We want
to acknowledge that when decisions are made at SMM, usually a lot of work and
thought goes into them, but people need a way to express themselves when they
don’t like something. Opportunities and mechanisms for bringing concerns
and disagreements or expressing “upset-ment” is important. We need a
process for people to feel safe bringing forward their vulnerabilities. This
area of action will be for the purpose of building a strong base of support to
strengthen us as a meeting and as individuals within the meeting who need
assistance with conflict.
Building Specific Skills
To build conflict resolution skills within the
meeting, it was suggested that we identify a point person or point group, a
first-responders group. These may be members who agree to participate in a
mediation or conflict training. Drawing on our strengths as Quakers will
be important. Learning to use silence when there is an impasse is an
example of a skill that comes directly from our Quakerism. A yearly
training would keep skills current.
Where do we go from here? We will need to think
about next steps. Who will make changes and how?
What We Do
Well
We speak to each
other softly, gently, non-judgmentally
We have a HUNGER to communicate well
We do a lot of community building with potlucks, etc
( builds a foundation to work from when there is a conflict
Cooperation is highly valued
We hang in there until resolution (at least
sometimes)
We encompass/embrace CHANGE; we evaluate our
traditions rather than just do them without thinking
We appreciate the gifts of those in the meeting who
are skilled in conflict resolution
We appreciate the gifts of those in conflict
We seek unity/consensus on important things
We search and try new things
There is an AWARENESS of conflict; we don’t seek
to hide it or hide from it
Meeting for Business is used well for issues; we
focus on issues rather than just individual conflicts
We have success stories of resolutions (we estimated
that 75% of conflicts that arise are resolved)
There is a core value of being considerate
We share a culture of kindness; energy of goodwill
Individuals are usually kind to one another
We acknowledge the importance of a commitment to
conflict resolution when we value diversity and peace. [NOTE: W&M
Committee plans to host a diversity understanding session in 2013]
What We Could Do Better
Respond to
conflicts among members more promptly
Be more open to new exploring new ideas, so one
person doesn’t shut them down
Raise up differences to be explored
SUPPORT individuals and families without being
intrusive
Create an atmosphere where people feel comfortable
ASKING for help
Modifying our QUERIES to incorporate support of
others identifying need (?)
Follow-up: phone calls, emails, notes/letters
Recognizing when our skills to help are wanting (eg.,
enabling, mental health issues)
Broadening scope of community to those outside of
meeting
Listening skills (without advice unless asked)
Community does not require conformity (Nancy W. ism)
Don’t let go of our values – Penn, Fox
Continuity over long term – eg., in conflict
resolution
Suggestions for Change
Developing
interest groups that can deepen our foundation, similar to the arts &
spirituality sharing
Opportunities to have fun (Betsy Wray is a model!)
Visiting Committee (of C&C) has lapsed. Do
we need to revive this function?
Identify a “First Responders” group to respond
to those 25% of conflicts we can’t now resolve
Mediation training for more people
Have point person or point group so people know who
is taking responsibility
When impasse, use silent worship
Encourage Friendly Gatherings, a different context
for connecting
Form a skills bank of gifts meeting members have to
offer (tutoring, gardening, financials, conflict resolution, hospice advice)
to strengthen ties
Feedback process when new idea is tried –
evaluations in a worshipful way
Keep records of problem-solving for future use so we
don’t have to re-solve same problems
……..
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