Two Papers by John Calvi
II. Still Learning
by John Calvi
for Friends Peace Team Newsletter January 2000
My education on healing from trauma is an incomplete, on-going work which I
find continually fascinating and always best suited to wondering rather
than collecting hard facts. There are so many parts to consider: life
itself hurts; trouble must not only be survived, but learned about; the
world seems to know no bounds in its beauty or it's inhospitality
When I began my seeking in this field, I was a teacher of young children.
My talent as a teacher lay in my curiosity and my passion to create a safe
space for the children who were having difficulty, most often with
emotional hurt. In ten years I learned that different people need
different approaches to receive help. The chaos of anger, shame, distrust,
and expression of need is extremely individual and calls for the most
careful and reverent observation. Reverent observation is a trait so
absent that the only remedy may be training.
What constitutes safety for each person is also very individual- physical
closeness, amount and style of guidance, requests for information, and
limits of what can be offered have common and unique parts to each person.
Next I brought my seeking to women who had been sexually assaulted. I
think they are, in all likelihood, the largest group of hurt people on the
planet. This is where I began to understand that hurt is layered within
the person, body and mind, depending on several changing factors.
What was their understanding of their own personal power before the trauma? Was the
trauma a single event, a series of events, or a situation of continual
hurt? Did it happen in secret? What is their understanding of the nature
of the trauma with regards to personal responsibility or current outcome.
Most importantly, what is their understanding of their own goodness, not to
be confused with self-esteem but rather the clear sense of one's essence
and capacity for goodness in the world, including, perhaps, divine
connection.
While working with women I began my own healing work as someone who was
raped and beaten as a young child. The deep spiritual work of going inward
and outward simultaneously, to hear what there was to learn in the world
and to hear what there was to learn within my own divine dialogue, became
an important and regular practice.
As I expanded my seeking to the realms of people with life-threatening
diseases (primarily AIDS), refugees who had been tortured, and ritual abuse
survivors, the opportunity came to develop various ways to deliver calm to
the distressed and retain my own inner balance. These have become the
basis of workshops I have been teaching for the past 18 years on healing
from trauma and spiritual disciplines for avoiding exhaustion.
I have found that developing, maintaining, and delivering calm as a
regular work is a large and difficult task. There are so many other
feelings that need expression- grief, anger, fear, love, joy, desire. Yet
it's calm that is going to create enough space to allow learning following
trauma. Healing from trauma is essentially sacred learning, learning which
one does in awe and uncertainty.
For people wanting to join this vigil to witness hurt and it's healing, I
encourage them to do their own inner work to become more conscious,
deliberate, and honest, especially with regards to pain. There is much
wisdom that can be transferred once the inner work is accepted and
regularly attended to. If it's the simple compassion of easy giving that
you seek, I don't think you will find satisfaction in witnessing the
consequences and needs of people in trauma. But if you enjoy complexity,
questions without answers, and know or can learn to see pain that cannot be
touched, then I say welcome, bring all your tools, there is much good that
needs doing.
We often think of peacemaking as political and social issues and healing as
medical and mental health issues. Yet both are the lessening of pain and
confusion. Needs that are met resemble justice whether in the body
receiving nutrition or a minority group receiving equal rights. The laying
down of weapons resembles pain relief whether it is the full nights sleep
without fear or the freedom to work in ones fields to bring in the harvest
rather than stay home to guard the house. While external details change
and settings vary, every person who works to lessen confusion and diminish
pain is working for peace and healing.
All these years later, I still feel like a beginner with more questions
than answers. Some days there's too much doubt and not enough strength in
all it's various forms. I want to be a better student. I want to have
more faith and discipline. I am also grateful that I am on the spiritual
adventure of my life.
John Calvi is a Released Friend from Putney Meeting in VT helping people to
heal from trauma.
John Calvi 802/387-4789 PO Box 301 Putney VT 05346 [email protected]