The 2001 Quaker Peace Roundtable:
Workshop #12: Activist Self-Care and Avoiding Burnout
with John Calvi
Notes by Donna Beckwith
After lunch, with everyone in a mellow,
just-been-fed mood, John Calvi invited a group of us
to lie down on the floor. Luckily he told us that if
we dozed, he would consider it a compliment.
As we spread across the floor, John used
visual
imagery and his soothing voice to help us slow down
and relax. We enjoyed the respite as John walked
among us doing energy work.
Once done, we were instructed to sit up or
even
to remain where we were as John spoke of his work.
John discovered, years ago, he had a gift for
moving trauma and he began helping people recover from
trauma. The work of witnessing healing is both
blessing and burden. John works primarily with those
who have AIDS, refugees who have been tortured and
victims of sexual assault. In working with victims,
John began noticing effects on the family
and
professional caregivers. He began to consider how to
best support the support people, to help them avoid
burnout and exhaustion.
In longer workshops, he noted, the
relaxation and
energy work we experienced a small dose of, could last
all day.
John asked us to consider what goes on in
our
spiritual community. An underlying truth is that
Friends are often among the first to run to the scene
with bandaids. We tend to take on the giver "role."
Therefore Friends are tired. He asked us to each
consider our own personal landscape. How do we give
the best of ourselves - for the healing of self or of
others - without taking on despair?
John had suggestions. First was, remember to
be
graceful. When trying to help, a stranger, a friend
or even self, it is hard to stay graceful in
situations where everything is organized not for
grace. Pain plus urgency plus intimacy adds up to a
greatly increased possibility of awkwardness.
Sometimes we just want to rush in, help someone out of
their pain so we can hurry home. No one wants to go
emotional slumming.
Think about a ballet dancer. A dancer is on
stage and it looks so graceful, but there's actually a
lot of hard work involved. A dancer needs so much
discipline and strength and awareness. A dancer has
to move through space knowing lights, other dancers,
gravity, space, the audience. The work is hard.
There must be joy in work and joy in life.
We each need to make a commitment to joy,
because
there are monsters about and they are spreading
rumors. They want you to believe life is hard. They
want you to believe life is a shit sandwich without
enough bread. So you have to know what makes you glad
to be in this world. What makes life juicy? Have
more!
Music, people, colors around us are the
messages
we send to ourselves about how we feel in this world.
Consider music. Consider Barbra Sreisand. I like
her music, but think about those songs - "Oh my man, I
love him so, he'll never know..." Why bother? That's
melancholy. We listen, we take melancholy in. Are we
taking in that which brings us to our best self? What
lifts you from the depths? What separates you from
your most honorable self? Dooms life? Quiets joy?
Figure it out, then spring clean yourself. Spring
cleaning makes it a nice place to be.
You need to find joy and get it going in a
regular way.
Just be aware of that monster's rumor: It
hurts
to be here, then you croak.
Because, you know, life is hard. But it is
also
beautiful. Know that through your whole being and
when you see a monster you'll remember your own
truths.
Think about someone in the hospital. They
are
sick, weak, yet they exhaust ten healthy visitors. So
who is playing the louder music here? If you don't
have your own tune, playing strong inside you, you'll
dance to someone else's - and they may not pick good
music.
Commit to awareness!
Think of those days when you get up, go to
work,
say all the right things at all the right times. Life
is good. Compare to those days when you say
something, try to push, and nothing is right. We
should get up in the morning and assess ourselves.
What are we bringing to work, to life, today? How am
I reacting? If you're pooped, it's good to know ahead
of time.