The 2001 Quaker Peace Roundtable:
Workshop #12: Activist Self-Care and Avoiding Burnout
with John Calvi
Continued ---- 2
At the beginning of the AIDS crisis, before
we
knew it was caused by a virus, John was treating a man
with multiple ailments. During a massage he
complained about everything. A surly reply from John
meant lots of apology and repair. And so John has
learned to assess himself before work. Had he learned
this earlier, a rescheduling or prior explanation of
mood could have prevented his hurtful words.
There are six emotional statements we can
use to
assess where we are. Imagine making these statements
to someone you trust. With which are you fluent?
Which are awkward?
The six are: I love you, Thank you, I'm
sorry,
I need help, That's not good enough,
Stop.
If any of these are hard to say, then we
flatten
as we work. We need to be rounded. each has great
power. These words must be used carefully.
If one of these statements makes us
uncomfortable, we probably experienced it being used
in an unjust manner. John's report cards, for
instance, we not good enough. It felt like criticism.
But Quakers have always said that to a war like
attitude or response - that's not good enough.
If one of the six statements makes you feel
uncomfortable, try to use it in a regular way. Use it
in a humorous way. Use it and stay graceful.
One the other hand, you might get stuck in one -
I love you, I love you - and no one believes it. No
one will trust that goes deep and forever. Nor do we
trust the person constantly telling us to bug off,
stop, go away.
We must learn to stay in a calm center. If
you
need to be angry, go to the edge, express it, then
center. Do the same for love, sadness, joy.
Quakers often see anger as being the same as
violence. Anger needs space. It is good and should
be valued. Quakers are often not honest, not making
space for anger. Anger without honest expression is
like a piece of macaroni stuck in a drain. The longer
you leave it, the worse it gets.
Consider your life is a book you've been
writing.
We know obstacle, perseverance, mercy. Review the
chapters. Do you see the lessons? This exercise
offers a larger view of life. We may have learned a
lesson that no longer works, the conclusions we
reached are no longer valid. Reassessing leads to
confidence in addressing life. Confidence in a crisis
is beautiful.
And this type of life review not only frames
what
we know, it frames what we don't know.
John related he was once invited to work in
a
prison. He shared the emotions, the fears, that
rolled through him. He had homework to do, but saved
himself a lot of trouble by saying right away, "I
haven't got a clue." That's working with awareness.
After grace and awareness, the next piece is
commitment - strength and self discipline. John noted
that commitment is hard for him, "I can't tell you how
many times I've flunked that quiz."
We each need to find something that brings
us to
our center, removes our confusion, brings self-
acceptance and offers a place of spiritual guidance.
Then make that a daily practice.
When John first discovered he could
energetically
move pain out of people, he didn't realize he was
absorbing it. He went to a healer, a mentor, to work
with getting clear and clean. The healer told him
there are angels around, but we must always ask for
their help. While working in Colorado, finding
himself driving a lot to visit dying people, John
Wondered when he could get in touch and ask for
clearing. He realized he washed his hands frequently,
and that he could incorporate spiritual cleansing with
physical. Suddenly the bathroom was a holy place.
Once laughter subsided, John told us we need
reverence as we cleanse. We need to set aside the
noise of the world - no information should be coming
in - when we practice cleansing.
Next John explained burnout. When we are
burned
out we are tired. No matter how much sleep we get, we
are tired and always grouchy. In its very beginning
stages, though, burnout is wanting to go to the beach
rather that face the day's obligations.
Once it grows, burnout is the exhaustion of
the
whole inner self, on all levels. It tends to show
itself as changes in physical patterns - sleeping,
dreaming, appetite and digestion. Then begins the
change in emotions, when we center ourselves around
anger and sadness.